Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
