why didn't you poke me back
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
