thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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