Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize