There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
