my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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