If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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