well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize