Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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