Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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