My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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