genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
