Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
