Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
