they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
