1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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