I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
