So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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