btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
