So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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