I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
