Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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