what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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