small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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