hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
