just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
