she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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