dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
