Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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