you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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