Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
