I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
