I think I died a long time ago.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
