You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
