I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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