cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
