Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
