Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
