just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
