I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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