dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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