I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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