he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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