i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
