oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
