my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize