I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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