high people should be assigned attendants
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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