Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
