You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
