My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
