He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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