please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
