I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
