i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
