It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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