you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
In other news, I just burned my penis
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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