last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
