you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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