This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
