her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
