So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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