I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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