dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
