My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
