dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
