last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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