You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
