i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
