if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
