I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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