some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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