I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
