I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
