I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
