if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
