She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
