Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
