There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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