I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it hurts more in the daytime
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
