You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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