I showed him my bush... on skype.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
