I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
