I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
