he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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