I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
