The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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