I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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