I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
