I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
