i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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